recently...

"why your hair sooo messsssy. you look like you just got out of bed!!!!"

"can you please go to grooming school? i think you should take some grooming classes"

Nurse Flor: "I'm going to forget your real name anyway, so I will call you MS. TUR-RUN-DOH. OK Ms. tur-run-doh? Everyone has one nickname here. But unlike others, I have many. Floor 1, Floor 2, Floor 3."

"how old are you?"
"20"
"ooooooooh. so you can UHH-UHHH now huhhh"

"ok. so since you're 20. you go with the young ones. you go disco"
"then where are you (the aunties) going to go?"
"SLOWDANCE LAAA"

"Ok. I need the protocols for the mother, the grandmother, and the grandfather"
"do you want the dog's and the cat's too?"
"yes, the dog did a Ladies Executive Package"
"that bitch"

The nurses at the hospital wear lime green polos and navy pants that were originally tailored for men. It was designed by one of the doctors there. The doctor had initially designed the same uniform for her maids--and it's what they wear at home.

Nurse X: "OMG. I tell you ah. We're nurses and she sees us like we're her damn maids! IDIOT her laaaa!"

Me: "What's rectocolonoscopy?"
Nurse A: "something to do with the rectum and colon laaaa"
*everyone turns around to look at her and gives her the 'duh' look*
Me: ".........ok....so where's the colon again?"
Nurse B: "yaaa. i want to know too! i keep telling patients it's somewhere along the intestines. but i can never give them a complete description cause i dunno. and the rectum is the anus right?"
*me googling* *reads out the definition rather quickly*
Nurse B: "ahhhhhh stop stop stop. your english laaa. so slang!!! i don't understand you laa. nvm i learn myself!"

Me: "What's glaucoma?"
Nurse C: "the nerves in the eye"
*me googling* *again, reading it outloud"
Nurse C: "ah, no point in knowing la. patients won't understand your english anyways la"

"Aiyoooo, who's scolding my babbbyyyy??? Why would they yell at my baby?" [baby is me ;)]

"argggh she [manager] just scolded at me for having frizzy hair today!"
Nurse D: "so tell her to f*ck off!"
ME: AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA
"aiyo. look at alison. you made her so happy"

*gets handed a urine sample*
"hey, there's nothing in the bottle"
*sees a smirk*
*phone call: yes, i am coming up to the lab now to submit the urgent semen*
ME: EWWWWWWWW I JUST TOCHED SOMEONES SPERMM

Assistant Manager: "omggggg he was sooo hot. sooo goood loooking lehhhhhh. it's so seldom that i find a chinese guy hot"
Me: "hey, i see a ring on your finger. you're engaged. "
Assistant Manager: "with guys like these, the ring means nothing ok"
Nurse E: "omgggggg. but he's marrrriedd. but only recently. gahhhhh we must get him before the wife sucks out alll his bloood"
Assistant Manager: "no. not blood. before she sucks out all his sperm"
Me: 0.O